And the crisis may center around one of you and a need for major changes. You may not always agree on the best strategies or solutions. A crisis can tear a couple apart-or bring them closer together if they choose to face it together as a team. No marriage is immune to crises: financial woes, loved ones lost, job layoffs, or problems with children. It's important to forgive each other for not being perfect and to remind yourself of all the qualities that make your relationship special. She may scroll on her phone more than you'd like, but she's a caring person, generous with her time and energy, and supportive of your hopes and dreams. He may be a bit of a slob, but he has a great sense of humor and makes you laugh. Remind yourself about all that is good and enjoyable about your partner. Maybe you can live with a loved one's tendency to repeat the same stories, choosing to hear an old story as a familiar tune rather than an annoyance. Maybe you can let go of your irritation over your partner's tendency to clutter if you can compromise-the clutter confined to one room or closet. To keep your love strong, decide what you can let go. As time goes by, irritations and annoyances can pile up. Focus on the positives, not the negatives, of your relationship.It can take hard work, but creating a relationship where each of you feels safe to be authentic, transparent, and real with the other is well worth the effort. There is a huge difference between telling your partner that you're concerned about his or her choices or behavior and personal attacks that make the other defensive and erode goodwill. Safety means good communication, even in the heat of conflict. Creating safety in your relationship means no displaced anger, caustic remarks, needless criticism, or hurtful threats. But love can survive if you are gentle with each other. There will be times of anger and distance. Blaming your partner for not rescuing you, or not shielding you from life's rough passages, can prevent you from seeing and appreciating all he or she does bring to your life. This can be empowering-and can safeguard your love. It can be a blessing to have a loving partner, but it's also important to take responsibility for your own happiness and growth. There are inevitable rough spots in life. In marriage, there are times of distance and times of rediscovering your love for each other. I've seen many couples' love derail over expectations that each always will make the other happy and that downtimes and disappointments are signs that this love was not meant to be.
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